This past week has been a very uncomfortable and squishy week for me.
I quit my birth control a month ago. So rather than questionably light periods and being able to time it almost to the hour, I got to have a real period.
Now, I don't know about *your* education, Lauri quit smiling, but I sure as hell was not thoroughly educated about what happens to the girls once a month.
All I learned was what happens when we hit puberty. Girls get big boobs and their lady bits bleed and they experience acne. Now, from the Brady Bunch I learned that with boys their voice changes and from there I also learned their testicles drop and hair starts growing in funny places.
I knew more about boy's puberty than my own!
I actually didn't learn about the hair growing in funny places until I, myself, began to hit puberty. Imagine my horror seeing these dark hairs sprouting where my lady business was supposed to me. WHAT WAS HAPPENING!? IS THIS NORMAL!? I asked the internet, I think. Or just accepted being a monster with some kind of deformity until I saw my mother naked and realized it was ok, she also had it. So it must be hereditary. Pfft.
Thank my lucky stars I knew my lady bits were supposed to bleed. So I was delighted when my period started. Although one of my childhood friends was there with me and was jealous and basically accused me of punching/stabbing myself in the vagina, since she herself had not hit puberty yet. I mean, shit, give me a break! I was having issues with my boobs sprouting. I never went through the training bra phase. I stuck to sports bras because they minimized my chest because I was in the 5th grade with little lady lumps! No one else had them!
Then I went straight to a b-cup when I bought my first bra. I remember my sister being amazing and horrified, maybe, when my mom suggested the same cup size as my older sister. Who already knew the ropes about puberty, buying fancy underwear, and probably knew about the ever so wrongful sex.
So at that point I have the puberty thing understood. Now the mysterious monthly cycle.
What did I know about it? Just that I was supposed to bleed once a month and wear a lady diaper, I mean, a pad, because tampons scared me. TSS was a horrifying thought. But eventually my gynecologist convinced me they were for the best, and now I hate pads.
Anyway, so in school it was never explained to us ladies that we would experience things like cramps, aches in the breasts, being bloated, skin breaking out before the period due to a hormonal change, headaches, fatigue, feeling like someone punched you in the cooter, the assumed craving for chocolate triggered by your period, only to find out that it's only a mental thing. Chocolate and greasy fried foods make me happy and by golly when my period is as bad as it was this week, I want happy foods. Eventually we girls learned about these period problems from watching TV when at home sick and seeing a commercial for Midol. Some skinny chick going to her yoga class and her friends being like, OMG YOU'RE ON YOUR PERIOD HOW DID YOU MAKE IT TO YOGA!? SHOULDN'T YOU BE LYING IN YOUR DEATH BED!? And she's all, LOL, no, I took Midol *conveniently holds up box for camera and friends to see* OOOOH, OK. Then she wants a brownie. WTF.
I've only been dwelling on this because the speaker last night had informed us that in some cultures the woman having her period gets to be in her room, by herself, for a whole week, with her husband bringing her delicious food 3 times a day, leaving her alone. It's the time that's all about her. She lazes around thinking about herself, making herself feel amazing.
Which is unfair because if I told my teacher that I missed school this week for my period, she'd be like, So? You weren't on your deathbed, I'm sure you could have made. Bah, usually I could.
But not this week. Every angle of having my period sucker punched me. I was rather miserable until evening. But that usually entailed because I was in bed until the hours between 1 and 4. Then I crawled out of bed, ate whatever I could stomach, and snuggled the couch and watched CSI, and Bones. Lauri would come home by the time I finally took a shower and I'm feeling well enough to wander and chatter to him, although I'm uncomfortable, I don't want to bring him down with the wrath of my bloody vagina.
Am I missing anything? I think I got it all down...
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